I’ve started running! I’ve joined a Parkrun every Saturday at 9 a.m. at my local park.
I started this on a whim as I was coming to the end of a month of gym sessions 2-3 times a week in the morning. I found I loved exercising in the morning. I felt like I brought a better version of myself to work, someone who is more motivated, happier and engaged.
Since I’ve stopped those gym sessions, I realised I have felt more down in the dumps and more spiralling of my thoughts as usual. I obsess over what I don’t like about my job and how another one would be so much better (the grass isn’t always greener). Also, with worries about where my career is going, how stuck I feel in my role and wanting to get married and have kids in the next 5 years, I feel like I need to get my ducks in order before that and my whole life will stop after that. I know this isn’t realistic, but that’s how my brain has been functioning when I’ve been in this low mood.
I’ve definitely gotten lazier too. I started my gym sessions at 7 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I was up on the dot at 6 a.m. to get ready for them. However, since then, I’ve struggled to get up at 6 a.m. when I haven’t had a reason to. The main reason being what I want to do (read, meditate, journal) is ‘negotiable’ and I can just ‘do it later’, whilst a gym session, or Parkrun, is at a set time so I have to be there or I miss the experience I set out to do.
I wanted to start Parkrun because it’s 1.) Free 2.) Exercise 3.) In the morning 4.) Minimal ‘training’ required 5.) On a day I am available to do
I want to caveat that I do not enjoy running, and I can’t say Parkrun has made that any easier, but I want to learn to enjoy it. I used to run a lot before University then stopped after a knee injury, which was mostly from improper gait and a lot of hills. So this has been an interesting experience for me to come back to as an older adult.
What I like to reflect on from running is what I actually find difficult. Yes, it’s the aching legs and burning lungs (it’s still quite cold in the UK in the mornings!) but I have found it the most difficult mentally.
I am obsessed with distracting myself and I find it very difficult to just be ‘bored’ like I did as a child. Boredom is painful for us now in a generation where we can distract ourselves with a million things on our phones, laptops and tablets at the click of a button and get that instant dopamine hit.
While I was in the gym classes, I took my phone but it was at the side on the bench the whole time, and I was immersed in the class by working out with other people and having short chats with the personal trainers. However, running is done mostly on your own. You can run with friends if they’re at the same pace, but whilst I’m starting with Parkrun, I’m definitely on the slower side so I’m on my own. Also, I’m so out of breath that I can definitely not talk whilst running!
This all means that I’m on my own, without my phone (I don’t take this with me, I’m going to avoid getting a bag to carry it), with no music/podcast/audiobook, out of breath, in a pretty boring surrounding (I’m used to my local park.)
The run is mentally exhausting, as once I start to get super out of breath and want to stop, my mind has to kick in to keep going because I’m just so bored. It’s the same repetitive motion for the whole 5k (unlike the gym where you can switch up with arms or legs etc., or just get a swing of water). This means I have to continuously tell myself ‘You got this’ ‘Keep going’ ‘You’ve done this before, you can do it again’, ‘you will finish’, ‘ignore the people overtaking you, your progress is your own’. All of this is constant for a good 25 minutes, so you can imagine how much brainpower it takes to push through the boredom.
I want to learn how to be bored more often now in this digitally connected world, especially as my job is fully remote and very ‘fast-paced’ (understaffed, let’s not beat around that bush) that I don’t have time to just sit and let my mind wander. Even when I try writing, I’m currently writing with London’s Writer’s salon in the background so I can get this done in the hour, otherwise, I just get distracted and Instagram reels can keep me hooked for hours.
I’m going to continue running as exposure therapy to boredom and pushing through discomfort in my very comfortable life. I will continue because:
1.) I am bored, on purpose
2.) I have to push through extreme discomfort
3.) I get to push my limits
4.) It is exposure therapy for comparison – I am still not very good so I need to get used to dealing with people being much better than me and not affecting my performance
5.) I feel incredible after it
I thoroughly recommend joining your local Parkrun if you haven’t already, and message me on Instagram at @acupofteawithav about how you found it!
